My Ungreatfullness Led Me to Darkness and Tribulations

By Amatullah

Allah gave me everything to lead a happy life. Literally, everything, but still I was not greatful enough. So now, He has shown me the dark sides of life. Not only one, but many unhappy incidents have occurred recently, one after another, letting me fall into the great ocean of despair.

The first incident was of course my fault. I indulged into a haram relationship. I always knew it was wrong, but as usual, shaitan tricked me and made me blind. I blindly believed ‘him’. I was religious, from the very beginning of my life, so yes, the guy approached me by using Islam. At first he showed his great inclination towards Islam and eventually me. Then the whole ‘islamic’ thing disappeared; chatting became regular. The worst part was giving him the phone number and sharing personal stories with him. The most severe mistake was that I unknowingly gave him the phone numbers of my other family members.

If Allah didn’t will, I might have still trusted him, but thanks to Him, I caught him red handed while cheating on me! I hate him so much now and regret it a lot, but I cannot escape from his hands for he threatens me with blackmail everyday. I have to still answer his calls, cannot even delay. Quarreling and crying has become my daily routine. I pray to Allah to get out of this Haram act, but the prayer has not been accepted yet, or may be more sabr is wanted.

The next incident that I want to mention is totally unimaginable for me. For the 2nd time of my life, I caught a man red handed while he was cheating in his reltionship. This time, the person was my father. Yes that was terrible for me, and I couldn’t believe it. But it happened. I couldn’t tell that to anyone, not even my mother. For, how could I?

Then there came the incident that tested my imaan, the little of which I still possess. I have been a good student since my childhood. And thus I, with the Mercy of Allah, had the opportunity to study in the most reputed university in my country. I nailed my exams there too, Alhamdulillah. But then, one day a teacher (male, quite old, very strict) told me in private that I was being an extremist for wearing the burqa! I didn’t expect that, especially not from him. I always knew that the true believers will be tested in numerous ways, but still I couldn’t take the pressure when my turn came.

Aside from these mental issues, I also am dealing with physical problems, arising suddenly. The problems are so grave, that my health is at risk, may Allah save me. Ameen. I fear that I may fail to complete my graduation, Allahu a’lam.

In addition to these, the present trials and tribulations of the Muslim ummah, the great chaos and havoc everywhere, the fear of 3rd world war- all these tensions are also present within my mind like every other muslim. Still I consider myself fortunate and blessed enough that I am not facing the distresses like that of the people of Syria, Yemen or Burma. Alhamdulillah. I also believe, Allah has arranged these incidents very purposefully because He loves me!

I have shared these stories with you to relieve myself a bit and to ask for your ernest dua for me. Nobody but Allah knows what incidents have occured in my life. Again, nobody but Allah has known the incidents and also my true identity. Pains will be still hidden, but maybe from now on, I will have someone to pray for my sorrows. May Allah bless us all in this world and in the hereafter. Ameen.